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What do the children of Portland, Oregon want most for Christmas?

A makeup bag? Gas cards? Matching ladles? Linoleum flooring? A gift crate of charcoal briquettes? New drapes? Some sort of toy or something? 

Nope. Not even close! They want to be placed on hold after calling D&F Plumbing, Heating and Cooling. That's it. Just a few minutes of mindless holiday joy, punctuated by terrifyng screams from the ghost of Christmas past. 

Take a listen to their dream gift below. Amy and Scott coughed up the voiceover. Scott wrote the copy while nearly drowning in an egg nog bath. 

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Look, the odds of this video exploding in your face when you hit the play button are, like, 17 to 1. It's probably not gonna' happen, so just push play and listen already. 

Okay, fine - before you press play, go ahead and close your eyes if that makes you feel better. 

Good luck. 

 

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The main reason people call Wellington Implement isn't to buy a new Case IH Axial-Flow 8240 combine or ask about Cub Cadet's Ultima Series ZTXS zero-turn mowers.

Nope.

They call to hear the Humor On Hold, like the example below. And as they listen, they dream about a world in which every business uses Humor On Hold from BusinessVoice and they smile at the thought of such a world. 

Okay, that's not entirely true. 

Actually, it's not true at all, but Scott did co-write the copy for this production with BusinessVoice Creative Consultant Daniel DiManna and then he provided the voiceover all by himself - with no help or anything. 

 

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Platinum MarCom Awards don't grow on trees, ya' know. 

They're mined - fully formed - from central Nevada's famed underwater caverns, then presented to a relative few to "honor excellence in marketing and communication, while recognizing the creativity, hard work and generosity of industry professionals." 

This Humor On Hold production for D&F Plumbing, Heating and Cooling in Portland, Oregon earned a 2023 Platinum MarCom in the audio/radio category. That automatically entitles it to a permamnent spot in Heaven. Amy and Scott laid the voiceover on thick. Scott wrote the copy knowing that one day he might regret it. 

Upon receiving a framed copy of the MarCom Award certificate, D&F Plumbing's Desiree Grosman wrote, "Very exciting. Grateful for your hard work and creativity." 

 

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People are destroying radios all over the Portland, Oregon listening area, thanks to these commercials Scott wrote and voiced for D&F Plumbing, Heating and Cooling. 

Protests have included cries of "Enough already!" and "Why are you doing this to us?" Pockets of violence have broken out in front of the radio stations airing the spots.

Portland Mayor Ted Wheeler will address the media about the clamor tomorow at noon following a catered lunch.  

 

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Created through BusinessVoice, this Humor On Hold production has been credited with saving three lives and preventing a boating accident that could've easily claimed another seven souls. At this time, we're not permitted to reveal the details of any of those situations, so you'll just have to trust us that all of that is true. 

Amy and Scott provided the voiceover. Scott was the primary writer and was shielded from a falling elm tree by this Humor On Hold. 

 

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Funny thing about these radio spots - they both glow in the dark, which is a lot more than we can say about most billboards. And everyone knows that for marketing content to be effective, it needs to give off a creepy, yellow visual buzz. Scott wrote the copy and then set it on fire out of disgust. He also provided both voices, but secretly wanted to add a third. 

 

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We don't need to tell you that life can be hard when you spend so much time buried in a riverbed or the ocean sand. 

No, you're not going to be especially popular when your best asset is a powerful burrowing foot. 

And yes, when your lifespan could range from one year to 500 years, it's tough to make realistic financial plans. 

But, look - we can't help it that you're a clam. 

So, just waddle over to the video play button below, give it a nudge with your shell and listen to this Humor On Hold production that Scott wrote and both Amy and Scott recorded. 

Oh. That's right. 

You don't have any ears. 

Hmmm. Well...
 

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Two judges served on the 2023 MARCE Awards judging panel. 

We like judge #1. He awarded the BusinessVoice Humor On Hold production below with a Judge's Choice trophy and wrote this: 

"That was hysterical! I've got tears in my eyes I was laughing so much. The voices were spot on. They were so serious about what they were saying, which made it even funnier. I called my family to play it for them over the phone!"

We don't like judge #2. He didn't give us an award and he didn't write nice things. He must be mean, which is why he probably doesn't have a family that he could call and play our production for. We'll bet he doesn't even own a phone and that he hates puppies and America. He also seems like the type of guy who might eat generic mayonnaise and be covered in festering boils. Just a hunch, though. 

Scott wrote the copy. Amy and Scott provided the voiceover. Amy made a voodoo doll of judge #2 out of cornhusks and old rags. Scott threw it off a nearby cliff. 
 

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Listening to the radio is fun, but only when the commercials are on!

No one likes music and DJs are loaded with STDs, but commercial stop sets? Yeah, that's where it's at, baby! Free records? No thanks! Contests? Who needs 'em? Commercials, like these two for D&F Plumbing, Heating and Cooling, are why radio is so much cooler than billboards, and you know it's true, daddy-o.

Dig Scott's copy and voiceover.